“Don’t hold to anger, hurt or pain. They steal your energy and keep you from love.”
– Leo Buscaglia
Anger results when we feel undervalued and our boundaries have been violated.
When we’re angry, it’s possible to experience other feelings such as fear (of inflicting harm to ourselves or others) or disgust (for the person or thing blocking you from your goal). If you were taught that feeling anger is “bad”, you might even feel embarrassed or shameful for having felt the emotion at all. Furthermore, if you were angry and it lead you to do something you considered to be inappropriate, you may feel regretful.
The dictionary defines anger as "a strong feeling of annoyance, displeasure, or hostility." It is derived from the Middle English anger (“grief, pain, trouble, affliction, vexation, sorrow, wrath”), from Old Norse angr, ǫngr (“affliction, sorrow”) (compare Old Norse ang, ǫng (“troubled”) ), from Proto-Germanic *angazaz (“grief, sorrow”), from Proto-Indo-European *h₂enǵʰ- (“narrow, tied together”).
Gift
Anger can be useful when it’s motivated by compassion and expressed with discernment. Anger prompts us to reassert the importance of our welfare and can encourage us to pursue and take action on our needs.
“Use your anger for good. Anger to people is like gas to the automobile - it fuels you to move forward and get to a better place. Without it, we would not be motivated to rise to a challenge. It is an energy that compels us to define what is just and unjust.”
― Arun Gandhi
Traditional Chinese Medicine
Feelings of anger are held in the liver and tend to have liver and gallbladder imbalances. Fear may also bring imbalances in the root chakra and solar plexus chakra. The gallbladder is also another organ that holds onto negative emotions like resentment, anger, bitterness, and hate.
Physical
Common sensations include feeling hot, (hence the term “seeing red”), sweating, muscle tension, increasing cardiac activity, augment breathing rate, and clenching one’s jaw and/or fists. Moreover, it also boosts cognitive tension by increasing production of adrenaline in the blood. Most people find themselves leaning forward with their head/chin jutting forward and puffing their chest/body to appear larger.
“Holding on to anger is like grasping a hot coal with the intent of throwing it at someone else; you are the one who gets burned.”
― Buddha
Here are some things you can do to help manage anger:
Take a break and ground yourself. When you feel frustrated, putting some distance between yourself and the situation upsetting you can help you avoid in-the-moment reactions or angry outbursts. Try taking a walk, spend time in nature, or listening to a calming song.
Practice deep abdominal breathing. This consists of breathing in deeply and slowly through your nose, taking the air right down to you abdomen. Visualize the air travelling right down to your abdomen and say the word “calm” to yourself as you breathe in. Then breathe out slowly and gently through your mouth. As you breathe out visualize the anger, stress and tension leaving your body with your breath and think the word “relax.” Deliberately let your muscles go floppy as you breathe out. Take three deep breaths at a time. If you breathe deeply for too long you may feel dizzy from the extra oxygen. You can repeat the three breaths after a short time of breathing normally.
Express your anger constructively and use "I" statements. You might avoid talking about your anger to help prevent conflict. Internalizing can seem like a safe strategy, but your anger can fester and you may end up nursing a grudge. This can affect your interpersonal relationships as well as your emotional well-being. Instead, take time to cool off if you need it, then try expressing your feelings calmly and respectfully.
Focus on finding a solution. Anger is often difficult to deal with because it makes you feel helpless. Working to solve the problem that’s causing your anger can help relieve this frustration. You may not be able to fix every situation that makes you angry, but you can usually do something to bring about some improvement. Ask other people involved what they think and work together. You can also try asking your loved ones for their input. Different perspectives can help you consider solutions you may not have seen yourself.
“May you find the strength to forgive, even if you can’t forget, and may your anger fade away, ceding its place to gratitude for every life experience.
― Ali Anthony Bell
Journaling and Reflection
How is anger impacting your life?
When was the last time you experienced anger in the last month?
What does anger look like when it's happening to you?
When you are in a state of anger, how do you react? Do you cry, shut down, cover it up, etc.?
Does this same type of situation or experience keep happening over and over again? What's the pattern? What’s the cause?
How did that experience make you feel on a physical and emotional/mental level?
How would moving past feelings of anger change your life?
Then,
Notice the feeling you are having without judgment, any story, or justification.
With an open heart allow the feeling. (“I feel ______ right now.”)
Touch a place on your body (i.e. heart) that will emphasize this choice. With your hand on your body deliberately choose the new feeling.
Ask yourself the next best thing to do (now that you have created the new feeling.)
Go peacefully back into your day.
Nature has provided us with a variety of plant and herbs to help and support us.
Liver Support™ helps support the release of anger, including frequent irritation, impatience, resentment or frustration, being critical of yourself or others, control issues, an inability to express your feelings, feelings of not feeling heard, not feeling loved, not being recognized or appreciated.
Liver™ helps support optimal health and vitality of the liver.
Gall Bladder™ supports the optimal flow of bile and allow toxins to flow out of the body.
Parasympathetic™ helps to melt away stress, elevate mood, boost energy, improve digestion, and to regain focus.
Heart™ balances the heart to support, integrate and reset all the systems of the body, including mental clarity, physical health and emotional balance.
Rose™ helps to bring a feeling of love, create a sense of well-being and release past hurts.
Beech: intolerance
Cherry Plum: fear of the mind giving way
Chestnut Bud – failure to learn from mistakes
Holly: hatred, envy and jealousy
Vine – dominance and inflexibility
Willow: self-pity and resentment
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